MIRACLE at CYPRESS GARDENS

Young Shane McGillivray had waited patiently - his parents steadying him on his metal leg braces - on that July morning at Cypress Gardens. He'd been in line to meet the great healer, the Reverend Arthur Smyly. In line before him, Shane watched the fat lady waddle up the bridge to the Reverend, who pressed the palm of his hand - push-button style - into the woman's forehead. She dizzied and fell sideways, snapping the bridge rail before falling into the water. A trio of alligators quickly aimed their snouts towards her. There was a garbled scream (Shane's parents shielded his curious eyes from the blood spurts) as the crowd dispursed into mayhem. Reverend Smyly, himself in shock, stood frozen on the bridge. Shane's parents took this opportunity to guide him up to the healer. A laying of hands followed, plus a few jerks and twists from Shane - before a cure was pronounced. He left the gardens that afternoon, walking proudly - unassisted - with his braces under his arms.

© BILL BLAIR 2009

ANSEL ADAMS'S ACID TRIP

Ahead of his time, Ansel Adams met with a series of gallery rejections when he first sent out his wildly colorful images for curatorial critique. Responses like "loud", "horrific", "surreal", and "no thanks" filled his file folder. A friend, Imogen Cunningham, suggested he take up the artsy stuff - black and white photography. He did. And he never looked back. However, stashed in a cardboard box in the vault of the Zone-System Interpretive Center at Monterey, lies a treasure trove of saturated wonders from the shutterbug's early days.

© BILL BLAIR 2009

A LIFE IN MINIATURE

Dr. Kenji Sasaki, having successfully miniaturized his wife, Seiko, had only one thing to report to the Japanese news media: "Our grocery bill has certainly gotten smaller."  Seiko - her voice barely audible at the press conference - said her new stature mirrored the role of women in Japanese society. Alas, her voice was drowned out by the voice of Kyu Sakamoto, sadly crooning Sukiyaki.

© BILL BLAIR 2009

COLD TURKEYS

First Nations stand-up comic, Cheep'chik, travels the club circuit, regaling audiences with a routine based on dissing North American Indian stereotypes. The Germans - nostalgic for Karl May's early 20th century stories about cowboys and Indians, where the Indians were nearly always the heroes - love her, particularly when she appears on stage in full costume. (She once made the mistake of walking on-stage in Munich wearing a Stussy logo sweatshirt; the Oktoberfest crowd booed.) Cheep'chik was born a stand-up comic. At the age of six, she visited her grandfather's turkey farm in Metisland, Quebec. Walking into the six-thousand-square-foot barn - and suddenly facing 10-thousand turkeys, she had the perfect audience. "Did you hear the one about...?" she began. Her line was followed by a cacophony of gobble-gobble-gobbles - like a chorus of laughter. "A midget goes into a bar..." she continued, again greeted with a million laughing gobblers. With her confidence boosted, she headed out - years later - into comedy culture. When audiences respond positively to her jokes, she remembers her grandfather's turkeys. When audiences respond badly, she calls them turkeys.

© BILL BLAIR 2009

THE BODY in THE ATTIC

If you had not driven past the old Rogers cottage, but instead had stopped and lingered outside its board-and-batten walls, you likely would catch a whiff of the body decomposing in the attic. Shirley Adams, the attractive New Hampshire realtor, was laughing when she crossed the state line in the passenger seat of Neil Holden's Mercury Montego. Neil was a travelling salesman with a sad addiction: he picked up lonely single women and, after treating them to a romantic dinner - usually Italian - he'd drive them to a derelict farmhouse where the femme would meet her fatale end.

© BILL BLAIR 2009

THE CREATURE from BIRCH LAKE

It was just after Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, that the Birch Lake Monster tooks its first step ashore. Most people in the nearby community of Hester remember the incident with the fondness of a fable. Younger generations thrill at its myth. Yet the monster did exist, even if for one moment. Ron Chambers, scanning the lake shore with his metal detector that morning, was the first witness. Fortunately, he always carried his Kodak Instamatic - so was able to record, on grainy negative, the charcoal-grey slimy figure, web-footing its way out of the water. With the blurry composition of the Big Foot photo, most news media discredited Ron's picture as fakery. However, if you ask Ron, and Sandra and Tom Benjamin, Herb Taylor, Rusty and Ben Holland, Jane Stern, and the residents of the Indian Summer Retirement Home - they'll tell you. They all caught a glimpse of the frightening figure, as it swathed a path along the back of Ray Road, before disappearing into a watercress-ripe ditch. Never to be seen again.
© BILL BLAIR 2009

UN-AMERICAN IDOL

Jennifer Wong, the Singapore songstress, hit all the right notes when she sang her upbeat finale - "My Country 'Tisn't of Thee" before the judges. Their disinterest only made her belt it out louder. When her performance was over, and the judges had tallied their votes, she was presented with a FAIL. Jennifer couldn't believe it. She'd sung her song better than the other two contestants: Josh Brubeque (the judges' favorite) with his flat-note "Save Your Best For Me", and Sharmayne LeCroix with her over-the-top (yet under-the-belt) rendition of "Way Up There, Somewhere". Miss Wong broke into tears, before cursing the judges and damning the U.S. of A. Her outbursts were bleeped from the televised signal. Security guards dragged her flailing body away. When her feet touched down on the exit ramp, Jennifer felt a cocoon of cool sparkly light envelope her. Then a voice explained: "I am Vince, the almighty Creator's sculptor-laureate. He's in need of a new office planter. And because of your un-American behavior, you're it!" With a series of popping whirs, the light dissolved, exposing the heavenly sculptor's creation: Jennifer Wong - ceramic planter. A rare bird about to perform in paradise.

© BILL BLAIR 2009